Perfect Love

*photo by Christart.com

The Word of God says in 1 John 4:18 (NKJV) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. I don't know how many times over the years that I have looked and pondered and been stumped by that scripture. Too many to mention. I thought I was loving but how could I have perfect love? I was in fear so that must have meant that I wasn't made perfect in love. How could I change? What did I need to change? How was I supposed to stop being afraid? Imagine the self-condemnation I lived with but it wasn't for lack of asking. Trust me! I asked!! and asked!! and asked!! I never received the right answer. I don't care how stupid I looked in asking, I wanted to know. I needed to know. It's no wonder I was overweight. (I ate my frustration.)


Turns out, I was asking the wrong person. I needed to ask God and so ask God, I did. Now I see it and it's life-changing. I've never felt so free. I've never felt such joy as I did coming out from underneath all those inferior, self-condemning and inadequate thought patterns. I see it now for what it is. It took God to show it to me because I think others really didn't see it and pride kept them from telling me they didn't have the answer either. Else pride, kept it all to themselves. Who knows? It really doesn't matter.


It's God's perfect love that casts out all fear. Yes, I know that God's love is perfect but it's God's perfect love for me that casts out all fear!!!! It's God's perfect love for you that casts out all fear. You see, the more you meditate, contemplate and purposely think on how much God loves you, your love doesn't have to measure up. His is enough! His is what completes you. Leaning and relying and being able to count on that unconditional, never-failing, never-ending love is what will cast out the fear in you. Oh promise me you'll think of it/on it. It's like being chained up all these years and now the chains are broken. Whew! There is no longer any need for me to strive to be perfect and to strive to love perfectly. What a relief! What an amazing relief! Can you tell I'm excited? Can you tell that I am finally free! I sure feel finally free too! I feel loved and really loved by God. I've never felt that and I am just being honest with you. 

Deleted Comments!

On more than one occasion, I have seen "This comment has been deleted by author" and I immediately wonder "What was that all about?" I hope it wasn't anything too brutal or condescending. I hope it didn't instill fear into the author either. One thought leads to another and I find myself longing for the ability to delete some of the comments I have said and/or written to others. If ONLY there was a way I could take back the hurt and pain instilled by my own stupidity. I'm thankful that at least I want to. I've been at the receiving end of some comments I'd like to delete from my heart because they sting IF I dwell on them too long.

I used to think the ability to write was like the consolation prize. Everyone else was given amazing talents like singing, drawing and anything other than writing and for those at the back of the line and all the good talents were given out, they were given a token...writing. How stupid can I be? To be able to write and bring healing into the life of the reader is amazing to me! To think that there are books out there that are instrumental in the healing process is mind-staggering. Of course, there is the awesome responsibility to choose the words carefully and administer them thoughtfully.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry for every hurtful word you've ever received that has caused damage to your sense of purpose and well-being. I'm convinced the person who has said what they did. gave no thought  to what they were saying and in the heat of the moment, lashed out at you. I'm not excusing what they have done because when it causes pain, it's just plain wrong! Be stronger! Choose what you say to yourself to heal carefully. Don't be repeating what is painful and just plain wrong. Come up with words that are mixed with patience, mercy and kindness and let them do their necessary  work. It IS a lot like given time for the medicine to work because words can be like medicine and they can be like poison. To think, God gave us two ears and one mouth....

Strife Storms

I sometimes think I can handle turbulent weather  better than I can handle a strife storm.  I don't like strife. It's a killer. It destroys relationships. It uproots kindness. It  disturbs the peace. It affects a person spiritually, emotionally, physically and sometimes financially too. It's brutal. Let's face it; things get ugly and rude.

According to the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, strife is defined as:

1  a : bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissension <political strife>

b : an act of contention : fight, struggle

2

exertion or contention for superiority

The definition of strife is unsettling to read. Strife storms come and go and often come back again. Doors are slammed. Words are brutal. Feelings are hurt. Most of the time tears flow and sometimes fists fly.  I don't know of anyone who has not been through at least one strife storm in their life and to say they haven't only indicates that they are in denial.

The opposite of strife is refreshing and goals to strive (not strife) for. Again from Merriam-Webster's,  accord, agreement, concord, concordance,harmony, peace. You can see, from this illustration, the importance of words as you see the contrast between the two. I don't know if you can completely avoid strife but when the storm starts coming you can diffuse it. Be quick to hear and slow to speak. Keep your voice down. Breathe! A soft answer really can and does turn away the wrath of strife. Often times, the person engaging you in a storm, is hurting about something much deeper and lashing out at you. Work at getting to the root of it and calm the storm. 

In Pursuit of ...

what? Status? Fame? Prestige and Honor? Self-Gratification? What? What has us, as people, burned out, stressed out, sick and stupid really. I remember attending a church service and I forgot where it was. Bradenton? Nonetheless, the pastor asked the men to show them their wallets. He would open them up and see pictures of  grandchildren, sons, daughters, wives and/or the whole family. He kept giving them back to them and said "I don't see it." We were all curious I'm sure. He finally fessed up and told us he was looking to see who had a picture of their boss in their wallet and no one did. It was all loved ones. Then he said that we usually put pictures in our wallets of the people who matter most to us and that we live as though it was our bosses who would be there at our death bed. Now, it has been a while and it may not have been those exact words but that was the gist of it. I've never forgotten that lesson. How many families have split up over jobs taking first place.

It's so easy to cross the line between need and greed and it's crossed all the time. Granted there are other factors that cause divorce but Jesus said it best when He said "because of your hardness of heart". Plain and simple. There's a lot of folks out there walking around with wounded hearts but there are even more walking around with hardened ones. You can see evidence of it when you look at the divorce stats and that's not just first time marriages either. We've lost sight of what is truly important.

God has an order. God first. Husband/Wife second. Children third. I don't see anywhere in His Word that says  Self first. Job second. Material possessions third. So why do we live that way instead of God's way is beyond me. We say we will never forget 9/11 and yet to an extent we have. We clung to our families back then. Our children became the objects of our attention and affection too. These days, we just let them hang out in front of their computers and not even suggest doing something together. It can be something as simple as going for a walk. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. It just costs time. Time invested into the lives of each other and our children far outlasts anything else and the dividends are through the roof strong. Enough said!

Some Days I Don't Feel Very Christian

Disclaimer: I am not writing this to pick on anyone. The "scenarios" are just a background to illustrate a point or two. I'm also not angry with anyone or using this as a place to rake them over the coals anonymously either.

I know that going by emotions is not the best way to live your life at least not if you're wanting some consistency and balance that is. However, there are some days that I don't feel very Christian. Those are the days when I am overwhelmed, anxious, worried and fearful. These are the things I'm not supposed to be but they are what I am feeling in the moment. They constantly remind me of my humanness and sometimes I let those emotions get in the way of being thoughtful, kind, considerate and peaceful. They are negative emotions but to me, they are only symptoms of an even deeper cause. I'll tell you what! There are folks that see you having a bad day one time and immediately say "WELL! If that's what a Christian is than...." or "And you call yourself a Christian?" Well YES!! As a matter of a fact I do. I am a Christian warts and all!

It's in those moments I am so tempted to ask "What do you call yourself?" It's like they've never had an off day or experienced a deep hurt/disappointment. Of course they have. So that's what I don't get. Why is it that when you line yourself up to Jesus, people immediately have a concept of how and who you are without taking the time to get to know you. It's no different with Jesus. People think they know Him and what it's like to follow Him but they never take the time to get to know Him for themselves or even open the book He reveals Himself through. Who's the real hypocrite here? I'm thinking it's not me. To set the record straight, when I call myself a Christian, I am saying that I am someone who is unable to live this life on my own and without Jesus. It doesn't mean that I am perfect. He is perfect. To be frank, I'm glad He is because I wouldn't want to align myself up to guide me in my life that was anything less than perfect. We'd both be in a mess. He possesses the ability to get me out of my messes and into messes I do get.

Then there are those debaters. The one's who want to coerce you into a huge debate about your faith. I put my faith/trust (I still think there's a difference between the two.) in Jesus. I believe in Him and know that He believes in me ( loves, cares and is pleased with me). I don't conjure up a debate with you and question your love for the folks you love in your life? Why do you want to question and debate my love for Jesus?

I'm going to tell you flat out that I am no theologian and so if you're looking for a fight, go seek them out. I just know who it is that I love. It's that plain and simple. I am also a married woman and life with my husband is like a sugar cookie. There are days when someone throws a little Cayene into the cookie dough. It doesn't mean it's no longer a cookie, it's just a cookie with a little added spice. I could go on and on but that would be redundant. I'm just going to sign off by saying, it's Christ in my heart/ life that makes me a Christian and nothing/no one else, not even me. :)

The Big Bully

As my husband was leaving for work today, he looked at our kitten and said "There's the Bully!". It was irony personified most definitely. She's playful and sweet and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. However, he's convinced she's a bully because she has taken over our dog Lacie's bed. "The Big Bully". :) LOL!

All joking aside, it's hard to find any humor in bullying. It's non-existent. I'm no expert on the matter but I have been bullied most of my life so I do know a thing or two. I don't need to be psycho-analysed either so I don't need any cards with the names of a good psychiatrist or counsellor on them. Thank you very much! 

People can be downright mean! It makes me wonder how they live. Talk about living in torment and torture and yet isn't that what "they" say? "The tortured and tormented  become the torturers and tormentors". I think there's a lot of truth to it. I recently read "The Wounded Spirit" by Frank Peretti and he has an amazing story. Heartbreaking as it is, he went through a lot. My heart goes out to him.

On a more personal note, I do have a nagging question that I can't seem to find the answer to. What is it about me that people seem to think it's okay to say hurtful things to me? Why does name calling and insulting  come easy to them? What makes them think they are so much better that they can cast their judgements and criticisms upon me before even getting to know me? I refuse to live as a victim. I'm nobody's victim. I just don't understand bullies. I know all about what they do, I just don't know why. I suspect they don't have the answer to that either. 

To me, they take someone who lacks confidence and yet, has a tender-heart of mercy, compassion and understanding and make it their mission in life to destroy it. It's as though those good qualities frustrate and infuriate them. Bullying doesn't care whether you belong to Jesus or not and sometimes the ones I've been hurt by the most claim to have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. They, in particular, sent me on a downward spiral from their condescending blows. Oh but I have Jesus and I know that I am safe with Him. Despite all the bullying, I still have a heart of compassion. I still have a heart of mercy. I still have a tender-heart. I've just been hiding it away in self-protection mode for far too long. 

I'm more determined than ever to have those walls torn down like dynamite. I'm ready to good qualities live in and through me again. They were never originally mine to begin with. They were given to me as a gift. I was down but not out. I'm ready to love again. Yes, even the bullies and especially those bullies who  call themselves Christian and Jesus, Lord. Please don't misunderstand. This is not a Christian-bashing entry. It was just something that happened to me years ago but it was the place where I chose to hide myself away and not let anyone near. Their "blows" and "brutal beating" came out of no where and sent me for a loop. (I'm not talking physical blows. I could have handled that. I'm talking about the blows to my sense of identity. The assault on my character.) Sometimes I feel like I've been in a "Spiritual coma" all these years. Today, I am determined to love even if it means I risk being sucker-punched again. 

Clutter of the Heart

Even the very mention of the word "clutter" can cause a change in blood pressure I suppose. I don't know about you but when I have too much clutter in my life, I get stressed. I, a Type-A personality, live with two Type-B personalities. Clutter doesn't bother them as much as it bothers me.

Clutter of the heart bothers me even more. I don't like when I get weighed down by wrong motives, bad attitudes and complacency. I especially don't do well when I pick up and hoard self-pity, self-loathing and self-centeredness. My inner man groans within me with groans that creak and wail for peace. It happens all the time when I start living for me and what I want instead of what the Lord desires and purposes for me.

To compensate, I eat. I eat to feel better as though food can heal my heart. (Who was the genius that started that line of thinking anyhow?) Redundancy prevails when the time I take to prepare the food, even if it's as simple as opening a bag of chips (GASP!), I could take to call out for help. I know that help would come but somewhere along the line I have chosen to rebel and turn a deaf ear to it.

I must become merciless when dealing with the clutter. No more holding on to old wounds and hurts that only serve to destroy me. Letting go of all past anger, frustration, confusion, disappointment, unforgiveness, disillusionment, resentment, bitterness,  boredom, etc. (You get the picture!) is essential to pure freedom. Keeping records of one's wrongs is not love and whether those records are your own or those whose paths you've crossed doesn't matter. It's time to toss those books. Decluttering the heart this way is dangerous. It's dangerous because it makes you vulnerable again. It puts you in a position where you could get hurt again. The what if's can be overwhelming, yes? Oh but the joy of having the freedom to love and be loved in and through you is so worth the time and effort you put into letting the clutter go.